ERASER
(tentative title)
(Draft: Rough)
UNEDITED PROOF
SLATED PUBLISH DATE: 19 NOVEMBER 2009
ERASER
By
Ryan J. Van Seters
It started in California; at least we think it did. It spread so fast that no one knew what to do about it, and finding out where it started wasn’t nearly as important as containing it. It’s strange when you think about it, who would have thought something so simple would be so critical.
The first report was about a firefighter, “Blank Blake” they called him. He went into a five alarm fire with all the training in the world, then he just forgot everything, his training, his job, the fact that he was in a burning building, everything.
The building started to collapse around him and he just stood there, water line in hand, and let it burn him. By the time his friends got to him over seventy percent of his body had been burned, and when he woke up in the hospital the next morning he didn’t remember anything; not his training, not his station crew, not his wife, not even his kids. Dr. Adams called it “Acute Amnesia” said it wasn’t uncommon in traumatic events, if he only looked past the obvious, who knows what might have happened.
A couple of days later the doctor, M.J. Adams, watched blankly while a patient went into cardiac arrest. By the time the nurses came in the patient was dead, and Dr. Adams was curled in the fettle position crying hysterically.
It didn’t take long from there. Eventually things became more violent; husbands killed wives, grandmother attacked their grandchildren, countless car accidents riddled the highways, planes fell from the sky. The president called for an immediate quarantine of California and sent a specialized team from the CDC out to investigate.
They quickly labeled it the “Eraser Virus.” That was about as far as they got. Every case was so different, some people lost five years of memories others lost fifteen. One thing was the same; all of them lost the ability to create new memories. They could remember one day, but as soon as they went asleep, that was it, it was gone!
The quarantine wasn’t enough, people were starving, raiding, mugging, burglarizing; it was pandemonium. The president had no choice, he sent in the National Guard. They separated the infected and locked them down, not even families were allowed to stay together. Office buildings quickly became makeshift prisons with each office acting as a dormitory with no food or bathrooms. It took less than a month for every company in California to become bankrupt. By that time, Eraser had spread.
A dozen cities in Europe, three times that in China, Africa, Australia, every continent was infected in less than a month. No one knew how Eraser was spreading, what made it communicable, or how to contain it. It wasn’t just other countries either, 263 of the 280 CDC employees were infected, and they had been wearing level four response suits, the kind that protected you from nuclear fallout. Almost the entire national guard dropped off the radar, all of them abandoning their radios and roving the streets aimlessly with gun in hand, as if they were the lost children of Armageddon.
It took less than three months for the world as we know it to fall apart. The internet went quiet, television screens showed nothing but static fuzz, radio stations disappeared, mail stopped coming, newspapers stopped being printed, and, most importantly, we were running out of food.
We didn’t know what to do, so we fended for ourselves while the world around us died. It didn’t take long for the violence to spread. Instincts took over, people were starving and those that weren’t locked in a room fought each other to the death for little more than table scraps. We all just assumed that this was how the world would end. That was before we found out Jonathan Adler wasn’t one of the erased.
Before Eraser hit Jonathan Adler owned the largest multimedia company in the U.S.; television, print, digital, you name it, he owned a piece of it. Everything I had ever read or heard about John was bad. Even his own publications ridiculed him as a megalomaniac, others called him a tyrannical power-monger. Who knew he would save us all, well, what’s left of us.
I don’t know how he did it. I remember walking outside one morning, scanning the street with my gun at my hip when I heard something. I walked towards it cautiously and as I got closer I heard the electronic hum of a speaker. It was the storm siren, we had them all over the city, and John was talking through them. I couldn’t believe it, I hadn’t heard another sane human voice in at least a month.
The message was simple. “I can beat Eraser. If you can hear this, go to the airport.” That was it, nothing dramatic. It took me three hours to find a car I could hotwire, and another four to get to the airport. There were so many cars in the street, it was like navigating a giant maze.
When I walked into building I heard his voice again. “Get to the Tarmac, use the emergency exits. Go to the tarmac, use the…” There were six other people standing outside when I arrived. All of them were staring up at the communication tower, that’s when I saw him.
He told us that he couldn’t come down and that no one could come up. We had to make sure that at least one person stayed uninfected. Then he gave us each a job and told us to return the next morning at sunrise. The first day we all had the same job.
John used the airports back-up generators to get the printers working and printed out hundreds of flyers. We were told to take as many as we could carry, find any emergency vehicle with working lights and P.A. system and drive through the city throwing flyers out the window and reading his instructions through the megaphone.
“We have food, we have water, we can protect you. Go to the Airport and wait in terminal two.”
By sunrise the next morning John said six people were in terminal two. He told all of them that they needed to rest, and that when they woke up the next morning they needed to tell anyone wearing a blue shirt and hat, “Don’t abandon all hope.”
It was clever really. If they were infected they didn’t remember what to say, and we moved them to terminal one where we feed them whatever we could find. If they did remember, they were recruited.
It took three years in all, three years before we could communicate with every major city in the U.S. That was Johns whole plan, for every hundred uninfected we got he sent one of us to another airport in another city to do exactly what he was doing. Eventually we got a pilot, that sped things up. Then we got into the FAA building, and just like that, overnight, we were connected again.
Fifteen years later and we had created a whole new world. Surprisingly, a great many had survived, there are still too many nomadic gangs to get an accurate count, but we had enough to live. The hardest part was containing the infected and keeping them productive at the same time, after all, we still needed to eat.
Everyone infected was quarantined, just like in the beginning. Then, John appointed governors, just like the pre-eraser days. Unfortunately, that was the last thing John did before he got infected. It’s a shame because his idea worked. Governors elected mayors, mayors elected councilmen, and so on. The job was hard but we were organized.
Every Eraser Citizen was awaked one by one, every morning. It was the responsibility of every township’s leader to make sure they were each debriefed and requisitioned for the day. Those that remembered their skills were treated like celebrities among the Erasers, especially scientists and engineers. The rest, those that didn’t have any memory of any trade were put to work doing menial tasks, we called them the day laborers; because that’s exactly what they were, good for one day.
We’ve come a long way, well, that is we’ve managed to keep ourselves from extinction. There is even some talk among the intellectuals about reintroducing money. I don’t think we’re there yet, and as long as I’m Leader 1 we’re doing things my way. We have to move fast, the virus is still spreading.
I haven’t told anyone yet, but I have a plan. I’ve figured out how to stop the virus. The only problem is that it will do only that, it will just stop it. No one will get their memories back, but at least we’ll have hope.
The solution was simple, right in front of us all along. All we have to do is …
This post was published or three hours Sept 16, 2009.
Exclusive Preview Post 16 Sept 2009
©Ryan J. Van Seters 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Little Things Excerpt - The Ring
Ryan J. Van Seters
VanSeters@q.com
“Little Things”
By
Ryan J. Van Seters
EXCERPT
RING
She loved me. She loved me with all her heart, with everything in her, she loved me. I was a symbol, sure, but I was much more than that. I was built for her, made for her. I fit. We went everywhere together, we were the perfect match. Not an hour went by when she didn’t look down at me and smile, with all the love and affection in the world she smiled…at me!
The first time she saw me she couldn’t breathe, she was breathless. Her mouth hung open as she clutched her chest as if she were holding her heart itself. Tears slipped down her cheeks as a mixture of elation and surprise contended across her face.
She wasn’t like normal women. She was so much more than that, and I was the proof. I was the shimmering glimmering evidence to what a wonderful women she was.
I remember that first moment, the first time she saw me. A thousand thoughts crossed her mind. While Inaudible to the world around her I heard every-single-one! Am I good enough…why me...I can’t believe this is happening.
All the self-deprecating thoughts of a lifetime burst into one moment – oddly enough, a moment of joy. It was as if she had to think these thoughts to get them out of her head and out of her life forever because now she was new, now she was glimmering beauty.
I remember when he picked me for her. There were hundreds like me, all of them beautiful, all of them revealing in the light. But he saw it, he saw me dancing under incandescent lights and knew, right away, that I was the best. I was the best, for her there was no one better. He knew it, she knew it, and I knew it, and I loved that I knew it.
For months I went everywhere with him. I was special. No other thing was allowed to be near me, they weren’t worthy, not like I was. His hand trembled every time he reached for me. He was so excited! When he looked down at me he saw the rest of his life and it was just as beautiful as I was.
I remember when he looked down at me, smiling, and said, “This weekend beautiful! Finally, it’s time.” I could hardly contain myself. I didn’t like being hidden in the dark. I wanted to be in the light, I wanted to be out in the open where I could dance and prattle and play. I wanted to be with her.
We flew from Oklahoma to New York, then from New York to Paris. I don’t know how he managed to keep me hidden that whole time but he did. She never suspected a thing.
I listened as they laughed and touched one another lovingly. They made the whole world disappear, life’s little spotlight shown on them and no one else and soon I was going to be a part of it. When it finally happened, when he showed me to her…it..was…glorious!
We were under a beautiful fountain, bathed in the blue light of a heavenly night. The sound of water lapping gently over smooth marble cradled all of us. I knew what love was, I mean, I had seen it. That is to say, I had never been a part of it, always just an eager bystander waiting to be picked, until now.
She didn’t touch me at first, she couldn’t. All of those thoughts of being “undeserving” were reeling in her head, and she had to get rid of them. Her eyes smiled at me, behind big fat beautiful tears they smiled. I was so happy! She loved me, instantly she loved me. She loved me. She loved me!
I twirled for her. Under the blue Paris sky I twirled and twinkled and danced my most beautiful dance. I felt her heart dance with me, and his heart too. It wasn’t just me anymore, now it was us!
I don’t remember any of the conversations from that night. It was all too perfect for words. They talked a lot, they said so many wonderful words and I just listened and danced for them. Every time they looked at me I danced and they smiled and laughed and I knew, I knew, this was beauty, this was love, and I was a part of it.
I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if Paris slipped out of his heart first, or hers. I don’t think the details matter so much. What matters is that it was possible for them to forget about Paris. If they never forgot, if they remembered it like I did, then all the details in the world couldn’t possibly come between them.
I don’t like to think about that. There is still time and things can still change and the best I can do is to remember how great it was and wait for them to come back and get me; to come and save me from this cold and wet place.
I didn’t think it could get better than Paris but it did. Every day was better than the one before it, and their smiles kept growing and growing to the point where I wondered if they would still be able to fit on their faces.
On the way home I didn’t have to hide anymore. I was with her the whole way, and she kept smiling at me, and I’d try to dance for her but it was so small and dark on the plane that all I could do was shimmy a little, but she liked my shimmy just as much as she liked my dance.
When we flew into New York she asked him which gate we had to go to so we could fly home to Oklahoma. I knew it before she did, I recognized the look on his face; the look he had when he was trying not to give away a surprise – the look he had with me.
He told her that we were “...still on vacation...” and that we were going to stay in New York and enjoy ourselves for a while. She smiled and asked “How long is a while?” and he said, “Until we’re damned good and pleased, and feel ready to go back to Oklahoma.” She didn’t argue. He still had the look on his face. I didn’t dance, and I tried my best not to shimmy but I was so excited that it was almost impossible and I shimmied just a little. Luckily I didn’t blow it, she looked at me and smiled, and we walked out of the airport, grabbed our luggage and got a cab.
It…was…a…BEAUTIFUL DAY! The sun was shining so bright I couldn’t stop moving. She sat between us and let me have the window. I stared down at the water thinking that it danced the way I danced and I felt right at home.
She looked so confused when we finally pulled up to the giant apartment building. She was expecting a hotel. She looked at him questioningly and he didn’t slip, not an inch, he said that they needed to stop in and see a friend of his. Before she could ask why he told her that he had his friend get us tickets to this really great play and that we were going to kill two birds with one stone and see his friend – so we didn’t have an obligation to see him later on while we were still enjoying our vacation – and get the tickets. The story was so complicated and intricate that she didn’t even consider not believing him.
The second I saw the doorman I knew! This was the next big surprise. Frank – he’s the doorman - had little crescent curls at both ends of his lips, which I might add where pursed together rather deliberately. He looked at us a little too comfortably, like we looked familiar, but all he said was, “Madam.” before sort of bowing and opening the door.
As we walked to the elevator, which had gold and silver trim around it by the way – really pretty, anyway, as we walked toward it I peeked back and saw the doorman, Frank, working with the cabbie to get our luggage out. I shimmied again, I was so happy I wasn’t sure I could ever stop shimming or dancing again.
When we got out of the Elevator he turned to her with a surprised look on his face and said “I forgot to pay the cab!” She started to turn but he touched her on the shoulders and told her she didn’t need to go “…all the way…” back downstairs. He pointed down the hall and told us that his friends place was the last door on the right and that we should just wait there for a minute while he ran downstairs and paid the cabbie. We walked slowly.
The building was amazing. Even the hallway was elegant, and, if I do say so myself, very ladylike. The ceilings were high and the walls were wide and far apart and the floor was nice and shinny hard wood that clicked a little every time she took a step. She stopped for a split second when she saw the door.
It looked similar to the wood floor, only it was darker and it had the same pretty gold trim that the elevator had, but there was something else. As we inched closer we saw the red ribbon. It was at least four inches thick and tied into a perfect, giant, blossoming red bow. I couldn’t contain myself I was so excited. I didn’t even hear him sneak up behind us.
“Well,” he said. “Don’t you want to open your present?”
I knew it! I knew it all along, from the second he said we weren’t going to fly back to Oklahoma. He pushed her gently on the small of her back because she didn’t look like she was going to move. Just as she reached for the door he handed her a small brass key.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get better, there it was. Our home, where we would become a family, where we would write our own story as a family. He told us that he had taken a job in New York. There would be no need to worry about money and we didn’t have to go back to Oklahoma. She grabbed him and he embraced her and we all held on to each other. The next year was a dream, full of dancing and beauty.
He worked a lot. I think he was important. The one time I saw where he worked everyone stared at her and at me, and every time they looked at us they looked twice. Their mouths were always a little more open than they should be or their eyes were a little wider. There was something about us that seemed to make all of them think he was something special. I was happy when they looked that way because he was something special. So whenever they looked I made sure to dance my best dance and they all watched in wonder.
Even though he worked it change things between her and I, if anything we only grew closer to one another. We went everywhere together. We went shopping at the best stores and she bought the prettiest dresses and everyone that looked at me smiled while I danced and shimmied. Then Christmas came and it was magical.
I love Christmas lights, absolutely love them. I love to dance with them and change colors with them and she likes it too. She never stops looking down at me and smiling. I know that I’m more than just a pretty thing now, we’re bonding. I was made to be with her, I know that, I knew that the moment that he came to get me, and I know that now, in this cold and wet place.
I wish we would have had one more Christmas together. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure that we will, once they come back for me, but it would have been nice to have just one more. Or maybe even one more night in Paris. Maybe then I could have convinced them that there was so much more for us, as a family.
I remember when they started to forget about Paris. For a couple of weeks he had been working longer and later into the night. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to talk to each other, I know they did, they were just tired and honestly, who wouldn’t be. It’s not easy to be apart when you love one another so much.
I know now that time away from the person you love takes double the energy out of you. We still went shopping but she didn’t buy us as many pretty dresses or necklaces as she had before. It wasn’t that she couldn’t afford it, she could, especially with all the extra hours he was working. She just didn’t want them. She said that there was no point in buying pretty dresses if you were only going to wear them to the store to buy more pretty dresses.
Then one night it happened. They got into an argument. I still don’t know what the argument was about, all I remember is them screaming at each other. That and…well they didn’t even notice me. It was like I wasn’t even there. I don’t blame them, I mean you can’t just pay attention to someone all the time.
It wouldn’t have been a big deal at all really, but the next day she went out without me. I didn’t blame he for that either, everyone is entitled to time by themselves. I don’t know what she did that day, but I can tell you this. She looked really pretty when she left. She put on one of my favorite dresses, one that showed off her beautiful neck and skin. I was sad that she didn’t bring me, but who wouldn’t be. I didn’t want to be apart from the one that I loved any more than she wanted to be apart from him, but sometimes things happen.
I stayed in the bedroom all day long and danced. What else was I suppose to do, I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. So I danced and danced until it got dark and I was too tired. I heard the door open and I was so excited to see her, but it wasn’t her, it was him.
I don’t know why but when he looked at me he looked angry. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t dance or shimmy, I just sat there. He didn’t say anything either, he’s not that way, and besides I don’t think he was angry at me. He was just confused, just like I was confused. So we both sat there, in silence, wondering where she was and why she hadn’t taken me with her.
He was almost asleep when the door opened. She walked in like nothing had happened. He said something about her breath, and asked her what she had been doing all day. Then they went into the other room and I could hear them screaming at one another. I tried not to listen but they kept getting louder.
Honestly I don’t know why they were fighting. They just kept saying the same thing over and over again and then I heard something break and she screamed and she sounded frightened. I don’t know why she would be frightened. He would never hurt her, he would never even think about hurting her. That was the first night that they forgot about Paris. That was the first night that I didn’t dance for her. I couldn’t dance, I just sat there, in the dark, and tried to forget.
She left me home a lot after that. It’s ok, really, it is, you can’t just carry someone around with you wherever you go and I understand that. I just wanted her to be happy and him to be happy and all of us to have another Christmas where I could dance with the lights and change colors.
I don’t know how much time passed. Everything seemed to blur together, everyday was the same. Then one day she came into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. She didn’t look the way she normally looked. She looked ill. Her cheeks were sunken and she had bags under her eyes. I wanted to say something, I wanted to shimmy for her and see her smile at me but she started crying. She cried so much her whole face was black with her tears and makeup.
I knew something was really wrong. She walked into the bathroom and I watched her in the mirror as she wiped her face clean and then stared at her reflection for a while. She didn’t just look sick anymore, she looked different. For the first time I wondered if she still loved me.
I don’t know what I was thinking because the next thing she did was walk right out of the bathroom and picked me up. I was so excited. I thought things were finally going to go back to normal. I was so excited I barely even noticed the rest of the house, and how it looked different. I mean, well it’s not really that big of a deal, it’s just a house after all but…well it didn’t look like our house. It looked...stale I guess. I think she knew it too because we went right outside where the air was fresh and finally I started to feel better.
The sky was painted in all sorts of different colors and I looked up at it and danced and wriggled as we walked. We got into a cab, I was brimming over with joy I didn’t even pay attention to what she said to the driver, I had no idea where we were going but I knew that it was going t be perfect wherever it was.
The ride felt like forever, but I didn’t mind, I was so happy she was taking me with her. I was so happy she was feeling better, which she must have been because she didn’t leave without me. She didn’t even answer her phone. She must have had a least twenty, no thirty phone calls but she just kept ignoring them. I think she ignored them because she wanted to be with me.
Finally, as we were going over the bridge she asked the driver to pull over. He protested for a second, saying he couldn’t just stop in the middle of the bridge. Then he looked at her with a really worried look on his face and just when I thought he was going to say something awful she interrupted him and said she would only be a second, she just wanted to take in the view. He almost didn’t stop but she promised him that she would be quick and handed him some money so he pulled over. We got out of the car and walked over to the side.
The city was amazing! The sky was pretty and the water was beautiful and I wanted to dance with it so I did. Right then and there I danced with the water the way I danced with the sun, and the Christmas lights, I danced. Then she took me in her hand.
It was so perfect! Everything was going to be better I just knew it. She looked down at me and a small little tear dripped down her cheek and she smiled. It was almost like two smiles in one.
One of the smiles make her look sad, but behind that one I could see the other smile, the real smile. I was so happy. Then she lifted me up high into the air so I could see everything, every beautiful thing about our home, where our family lived. Where we had gone through some rough times but where going to get through it, I just knew we were going to get through it.
I didn’t feel her let go of me. I don’t know if she meant to, I don’t think that she did, I think she just slipped. Even if she did mean to I know she did it for a reason, a good reason.
I fell through the air, under the purples and oranges of the sunset. I couldn’t help but wriggle, and wiggle, and dance, and shimmer, the colors where just too beautiful to stay still.
It didn’t hurt at all when I hit the water. To be honest I don’t even think that I made even the tiniest splash, honestly I don’t think I did.
I waited. I thought maybe she knew how much I liked the water and how much I wanted to dance in it. Maybe that was why she took me out here today, kind of like a treat just for me. Then it started to get cold and dark.
I wasn’t worried, honest. I thought maybe she went to get help or maybe she just wanted to let me dance with the water for a while. I couldn’t tell her that I couldn’t dance because it was too dark and cold and wet, but that wasn’t her fault. I mean, I was all the way at the bottom of the bridge and she was still up top with the cab driver who had to getting very angry with her for breaking her promise to be quick.
Who knows, maybe she ran to get him so they could come get me together. Maybe she knew they were going to fight again and she didn’t want me to have to hear it so she decided to let me play, in the water.
It’s not a big deal. I mean, you can’t just expect everyone to drop whatever their doing just for you. Everyone is entitled to some time by themselves. Besides, it’s dark, I don’t think they could find me in the dark anyway. They are probably just waiting for it to be light, then they’ll come.
Then they’ll save me. Then will be a family again. To be honest, I can’t wait! I’m excited, really! I just can’t wait ‘till Christmas!
VanSeters@q.com
“Little Things”
By
Ryan J. Van Seters
EXCERPT
RING
She loved me. She loved me with all her heart, with everything in her, she loved me. I was a symbol, sure, but I was much more than that. I was built for her, made for her. I fit. We went everywhere together, we were the perfect match. Not an hour went by when she didn’t look down at me and smile, with all the love and affection in the world she smiled…at me!
The first time she saw me she couldn’t breathe, she was breathless. Her mouth hung open as she clutched her chest as if she were holding her heart itself. Tears slipped down her cheeks as a mixture of elation and surprise contended across her face.
She wasn’t like normal women. She was so much more than that, and I was the proof. I was the shimmering glimmering evidence to what a wonderful women she was.
I remember that first moment, the first time she saw me. A thousand thoughts crossed her mind. While Inaudible to the world around her I heard every-single-one! Am I good enough…why me...I can’t believe this is happening.
All the self-deprecating thoughts of a lifetime burst into one moment – oddly enough, a moment of joy. It was as if she had to think these thoughts to get them out of her head and out of her life forever because now she was new, now she was glimmering beauty.
I remember when he picked me for her. There were hundreds like me, all of them beautiful, all of them revealing in the light. But he saw it, he saw me dancing under incandescent lights and knew, right away, that I was the best. I was the best, for her there was no one better. He knew it, she knew it, and I knew it, and I loved that I knew it.
For months I went everywhere with him. I was special. No other thing was allowed to be near me, they weren’t worthy, not like I was. His hand trembled every time he reached for me. He was so excited! When he looked down at me he saw the rest of his life and it was just as beautiful as I was.
I remember when he looked down at me, smiling, and said, “This weekend beautiful! Finally, it’s time.” I could hardly contain myself. I didn’t like being hidden in the dark. I wanted to be in the light, I wanted to be out in the open where I could dance and prattle and play. I wanted to be with her.
We flew from Oklahoma to New York, then from New York to Paris. I don’t know how he managed to keep me hidden that whole time but he did. She never suspected a thing.
I listened as they laughed and touched one another lovingly. They made the whole world disappear, life’s little spotlight shown on them and no one else and soon I was going to be a part of it. When it finally happened, when he showed me to her…it..was…glorious!
We were under a beautiful fountain, bathed in the blue light of a heavenly night. The sound of water lapping gently over smooth marble cradled all of us. I knew what love was, I mean, I had seen it. That is to say, I had never been a part of it, always just an eager bystander waiting to be picked, until now.
She didn’t touch me at first, she couldn’t. All of those thoughts of being “undeserving” were reeling in her head, and she had to get rid of them. Her eyes smiled at me, behind big fat beautiful tears they smiled. I was so happy! She loved me, instantly she loved me. She loved me. She loved me!
I twirled for her. Under the blue Paris sky I twirled and twinkled and danced my most beautiful dance. I felt her heart dance with me, and his heart too. It wasn’t just me anymore, now it was us!
I don’t remember any of the conversations from that night. It was all too perfect for words. They talked a lot, they said so many wonderful words and I just listened and danced for them. Every time they looked at me I danced and they smiled and laughed and I knew, I knew, this was beauty, this was love, and I was a part of it.
I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if Paris slipped out of his heart first, or hers. I don’t think the details matter so much. What matters is that it was possible for them to forget about Paris. If they never forgot, if they remembered it like I did, then all the details in the world couldn’t possibly come between them.
I don’t like to think about that. There is still time and things can still change and the best I can do is to remember how great it was and wait for them to come back and get me; to come and save me from this cold and wet place.
I didn’t think it could get better than Paris but it did. Every day was better than the one before it, and their smiles kept growing and growing to the point where I wondered if they would still be able to fit on their faces.
On the way home I didn’t have to hide anymore. I was with her the whole way, and she kept smiling at me, and I’d try to dance for her but it was so small and dark on the plane that all I could do was shimmy a little, but she liked my shimmy just as much as she liked my dance.
When we flew into New York she asked him which gate we had to go to so we could fly home to Oklahoma. I knew it before she did, I recognized the look on his face; the look he had when he was trying not to give away a surprise – the look he had with me.
He told her that we were “...still on vacation...” and that we were going to stay in New York and enjoy ourselves for a while. She smiled and asked “How long is a while?” and he said, “Until we’re damned good and pleased, and feel ready to go back to Oklahoma.” She didn’t argue. He still had the look on his face. I didn’t dance, and I tried my best not to shimmy but I was so excited that it was almost impossible and I shimmied just a little. Luckily I didn’t blow it, she looked at me and smiled, and we walked out of the airport, grabbed our luggage and got a cab.
It…was…a…BEAUTIFUL DAY! The sun was shining so bright I couldn’t stop moving. She sat between us and let me have the window. I stared down at the water thinking that it danced the way I danced and I felt right at home.
She looked so confused when we finally pulled up to the giant apartment building. She was expecting a hotel. She looked at him questioningly and he didn’t slip, not an inch, he said that they needed to stop in and see a friend of his. Before she could ask why he told her that he had his friend get us tickets to this really great play and that we were going to kill two birds with one stone and see his friend – so we didn’t have an obligation to see him later on while we were still enjoying our vacation – and get the tickets. The story was so complicated and intricate that she didn’t even consider not believing him.
The second I saw the doorman I knew! This was the next big surprise. Frank – he’s the doorman - had little crescent curls at both ends of his lips, which I might add where pursed together rather deliberately. He looked at us a little too comfortably, like we looked familiar, but all he said was, “Madam.” before sort of bowing and opening the door.
As we walked to the elevator, which had gold and silver trim around it by the way – really pretty, anyway, as we walked toward it I peeked back and saw the doorman, Frank, working with the cabbie to get our luggage out. I shimmied again, I was so happy I wasn’t sure I could ever stop shimming or dancing again.
When we got out of the Elevator he turned to her with a surprised look on his face and said “I forgot to pay the cab!” She started to turn but he touched her on the shoulders and told her she didn’t need to go “…all the way…” back downstairs. He pointed down the hall and told us that his friends place was the last door on the right and that we should just wait there for a minute while he ran downstairs and paid the cabbie. We walked slowly.
The building was amazing. Even the hallway was elegant, and, if I do say so myself, very ladylike. The ceilings were high and the walls were wide and far apart and the floor was nice and shinny hard wood that clicked a little every time she took a step. She stopped for a split second when she saw the door.
It looked similar to the wood floor, only it was darker and it had the same pretty gold trim that the elevator had, but there was something else. As we inched closer we saw the red ribbon. It was at least four inches thick and tied into a perfect, giant, blossoming red bow. I couldn’t contain myself I was so excited. I didn’t even hear him sneak up behind us.
“Well,” he said. “Don’t you want to open your present?”
I knew it! I knew it all along, from the second he said we weren’t going to fly back to Oklahoma. He pushed her gently on the small of her back because she didn’t look like she was going to move. Just as she reached for the door he handed her a small brass key.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get better, there it was. Our home, where we would become a family, where we would write our own story as a family. He told us that he had taken a job in New York. There would be no need to worry about money and we didn’t have to go back to Oklahoma. She grabbed him and he embraced her and we all held on to each other. The next year was a dream, full of dancing and beauty.
He worked a lot. I think he was important. The one time I saw where he worked everyone stared at her and at me, and every time they looked at us they looked twice. Their mouths were always a little more open than they should be or their eyes were a little wider. There was something about us that seemed to make all of them think he was something special. I was happy when they looked that way because he was something special. So whenever they looked I made sure to dance my best dance and they all watched in wonder.
Even though he worked it change things between her and I, if anything we only grew closer to one another. We went everywhere together. We went shopping at the best stores and she bought the prettiest dresses and everyone that looked at me smiled while I danced and shimmied. Then Christmas came and it was magical.
I love Christmas lights, absolutely love them. I love to dance with them and change colors with them and she likes it too. She never stops looking down at me and smiling. I know that I’m more than just a pretty thing now, we’re bonding. I was made to be with her, I know that, I knew that the moment that he came to get me, and I know that now, in this cold and wet place.
I wish we would have had one more Christmas together. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure that we will, once they come back for me, but it would have been nice to have just one more. Or maybe even one more night in Paris. Maybe then I could have convinced them that there was so much more for us, as a family.
I remember when they started to forget about Paris. For a couple of weeks he had been working longer and later into the night. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to talk to each other, I know they did, they were just tired and honestly, who wouldn’t be. It’s not easy to be apart when you love one another so much.
I know now that time away from the person you love takes double the energy out of you. We still went shopping but she didn’t buy us as many pretty dresses or necklaces as she had before. It wasn’t that she couldn’t afford it, she could, especially with all the extra hours he was working. She just didn’t want them. She said that there was no point in buying pretty dresses if you were only going to wear them to the store to buy more pretty dresses.
Then one night it happened. They got into an argument. I still don’t know what the argument was about, all I remember is them screaming at each other. That and…well they didn’t even notice me. It was like I wasn’t even there. I don’t blame them, I mean you can’t just pay attention to someone all the time.
It wouldn’t have been a big deal at all really, but the next day she went out without me. I didn’t blame he for that either, everyone is entitled to time by themselves. I don’t know what she did that day, but I can tell you this. She looked really pretty when she left. She put on one of my favorite dresses, one that showed off her beautiful neck and skin. I was sad that she didn’t bring me, but who wouldn’t be. I didn’t want to be apart from the one that I loved any more than she wanted to be apart from him, but sometimes things happen.
I stayed in the bedroom all day long and danced. What else was I suppose to do, I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. So I danced and danced until it got dark and I was too tired. I heard the door open and I was so excited to see her, but it wasn’t her, it was him.
I don’t know why but when he looked at me he looked angry. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t dance or shimmy, I just sat there. He didn’t say anything either, he’s not that way, and besides I don’t think he was angry at me. He was just confused, just like I was confused. So we both sat there, in silence, wondering where she was and why she hadn’t taken me with her.
He was almost asleep when the door opened. She walked in like nothing had happened. He said something about her breath, and asked her what she had been doing all day. Then they went into the other room and I could hear them screaming at one another. I tried not to listen but they kept getting louder.
Honestly I don’t know why they were fighting. They just kept saying the same thing over and over again and then I heard something break and she screamed and she sounded frightened. I don’t know why she would be frightened. He would never hurt her, he would never even think about hurting her. That was the first night that they forgot about Paris. That was the first night that I didn’t dance for her. I couldn’t dance, I just sat there, in the dark, and tried to forget.
She left me home a lot after that. It’s ok, really, it is, you can’t just carry someone around with you wherever you go and I understand that. I just wanted her to be happy and him to be happy and all of us to have another Christmas where I could dance with the lights and change colors.
I don’t know how much time passed. Everything seemed to blur together, everyday was the same. Then one day she came into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. She didn’t look the way she normally looked. She looked ill. Her cheeks were sunken and she had bags under her eyes. I wanted to say something, I wanted to shimmy for her and see her smile at me but she started crying. She cried so much her whole face was black with her tears and makeup.
I knew something was really wrong. She walked into the bathroom and I watched her in the mirror as she wiped her face clean and then stared at her reflection for a while. She didn’t just look sick anymore, she looked different. For the first time I wondered if she still loved me.
I don’t know what I was thinking because the next thing she did was walk right out of the bathroom and picked me up. I was so excited. I thought things were finally going to go back to normal. I was so excited I barely even noticed the rest of the house, and how it looked different. I mean, well it’s not really that big of a deal, it’s just a house after all but…well it didn’t look like our house. It looked...stale I guess. I think she knew it too because we went right outside where the air was fresh and finally I started to feel better.
The sky was painted in all sorts of different colors and I looked up at it and danced and wriggled as we walked. We got into a cab, I was brimming over with joy I didn’t even pay attention to what she said to the driver, I had no idea where we were going but I knew that it was going t be perfect wherever it was.
The ride felt like forever, but I didn’t mind, I was so happy she was taking me with her. I was so happy she was feeling better, which she must have been because she didn’t leave without me. She didn’t even answer her phone. She must have had a least twenty, no thirty phone calls but she just kept ignoring them. I think she ignored them because she wanted to be with me.
Finally, as we were going over the bridge she asked the driver to pull over. He protested for a second, saying he couldn’t just stop in the middle of the bridge. Then he looked at her with a really worried look on his face and just when I thought he was going to say something awful she interrupted him and said she would only be a second, she just wanted to take in the view. He almost didn’t stop but she promised him that she would be quick and handed him some money so he pulled over. We got out of the car and walked over to the side.
The city was amazing! The sky was pretty and the water was beautiful and I wanted to dance with it so I did. Right then and there I danced with the water the way I danced with the sun, and the Christmas lights, I danced. Then she took me in her hand.
It was so perfect! Everything was going to be better I just knew it. She looked down at me and a small little tear dripped down her cheek and she smiled. It was almost like two smiles in one.
One of the smiles make her look sad, but behind that one I could see the other smile, the real smile. I was so happy. Then she lifted me up high into the air so I could see everything, every beautiful thing about our home, where our family lived. Where we had gone through some rough times but where going to get through it, I just knew we were going to get through it.
I didn’t feel her let go of me. I don’t know if she meant to, I don’t think that she did, I think she just slipped. Even if she did mean to I know she did it for a reason, a good reason.
I fell through the air, under the purples and oranges of the sunset. I couldn’t help but wriggle, and wiggle, and dance, and shimmer, the colors where just too beautiful to stay still.
It didn’t hurt at all when I hit the water. To be honest I don’t even think that I made even the tiniest splash, honestly I don’t think I did.
I waited. I thought maybe she knew how much I liked the water and how much I wanted to dance in it. Maybe that was why she took me out here today, kind of like a treat just for me. Then it started to get cold and dark.
I wasn’t worried, honest. I thought maybe she went to get help or maybe she just wanted to let me dance with the water for a while. I couldn’t tell her that I couldn’t dance because it was too dark and cold and wet, but that wasn’t her fault. I mean, I was all the way at the bottom of the bridge and she was still up top with the cab driver who had to getting very angry with her for breaking her promise to be quick.
Who knows, maybe she ran to get him so they could come get me together. Maybe she knew they were going to fight again and she didn’t want me to have to hear it so she decided to let me play, in the water.
It’s not a big deal. I mean, you can’t just expect everyone to drop whatever their doing just for you. Everyone is entitled to some time by themselves. Besides, it’s dark, I don’t think they could find me in the dark anyway. They are probably just waiting for it to be light, then they’ll come.
Then they’ll save me. Then will be a family again. To be honest, I can’t wait! I’m excited, really! I just can’t wait ‘till Christmas!
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